Living Free

Living Free

There have been times in my life when I felt that I was a free agent and times, I must admit,  I  limited myself  by my surroundings, my upbringing and my associations.

I am a Southerner, born and bred.  I like all things Southern; the food, the soft language, the landscape  the architecture and most of the people. 

 In 1972 my husband and I moved out of the South and I was plunged into a totally different culture.  Living in the Southwest was an experience in change.  I learned to love Mexican food, I learned to say, "You bet!", I came to love this dry arid land with its miles of flat, unadored vistas,  can't say I ever learned to love flat top houses, but I do appreciate the adobe style, and of course  the people  from the four winds of the world ~ I fell in love with their acceptance, their loving kindness, their straight forward way of thinking and expressing themselves.  I remember making the comment, "the stork got confused and dropped me off in Americus, Georgia instead of where I was destined to go;  New Mexico.  

 Coming to New Mexico all those years ago was so different from the return we made in December of 2010.  The difference ~ I had changed.  I am no longer an innocent young woman, instead I am a seasoned traveler and a bit jaded I must confess.  I longed to be in New Mexico all the years that we were away, now that I'm here again I see it with eyes wide open and a heart that has been shattered many times in the journey of the years.  I'm no longer fascinated by the food, the western drawl, the wind that howls constantly with gusts up to 70mph.  The town is still ugly and limited, the people that I've loved through the years have too, been beaten up by life and relationships that failed them.  They've been rejected, lied on, abandoned and used.  We remember who we were, we need lots of time to discover who we are in the now.  Can there be freedom in the acceptance of who we are now, I surely do hope so!  Living free takes all the resources of our imagination and determination!  It's not an accidential meeting of the minds. . . it takes deep introspection,  an honest appraisal and   it's being real in a surreal world. 

So, here I am this morning looking at myself,   asking; will you turn loose of all expectations and just let life be what it is,  or will I destroy the precious moment by turning it into a landscape that is bleak and withering?  I've always said, "Change is certain, choice is a decision".   I know I'm going to choose the right thing, that's who I am in my head, but will my heart still turn around like Lot's wife and look back at the  destruction and say, "but I could have made a difference"........ No,  we don't change the landscape by wishing we could and we don't change people by wishing they would.  I must pick up my trust and embrace the truth in order to be free.  I know I can't make the ugly go away, I can't wish and make the good happen, BUT I can choose each breathing moment to live in the Freedom that Christ bought for me on Calvary and that freedom is to be myself in this moment, trusting God with the outcome, leaning on the Word and not on people, studying to show myself approved and looking to the source of my supply and not to circumstances.  

   Am I willing to be just Paulette, a Southern born child in an Senior adult world with people as frail as myself and say to "my world", "So, I'm  here and that's what counts.  Am I free?  You bet I am!  And I'm gonna keep on going til I crest the ridge - I promise to go out still changing into the person God dreamed I could be.  "He whom the Son sets free, is free indeed!"